Before I go anywhere with this topic on grief I’m going to make one thing very clear. Not one person has ever experienced grief the same way. Call me a liar, call me a fool, but the truth is God made each one of us unique and because of that uniqueness every single experience we have in this life cannot be compared to someone else’s. There will be instances of similar feelings, similar actions or even similar situations, but none will be exactly the same. They can’t be for  the simple truth that God doesn’t want us to fully rely on each other, but on HIM. God encourages us to share with each other, but not fully rely on each other.

To share my experience of grief with you, I must first tell you the source of it. No matter how dramatic it may sound, my life was forever changed this March. The exact date refuses to stick in my mind because I don’t want to remember my loss. On March 10th, 2018 Walt (grandpa to me) went home to be with the Lord. I received a text message on March 11th at 8:21 am that simply stated, He passed yesterday evening. If anyone thinks I put the phone down, bowed my head and said “Praise God, thank you Lord for accepting Walt into your loving arms,” all I can respond with is, I wish I were that strong.

The one truth I know about grief is that we all have to go through it. Willingly or unwillingly we all experience grief at some point in our life over some loss that has come our way. If you have read any of my past posts you know that I usually choose the hard way when God wants to teach me something. This loss is no different.

Losing Walt took a piece of my heart and broke it. The first few days after the celebration of his life, I went to work a robot. I honestly felt nothing and numb all over. No emotions registered with me because I was trying to get through each day. Being numb allowed me to be completely oblivious to everyone else’s situations and feelings. I went to work, smiled, did my job as ‘bubbly and energetically’ as I always did. Yet, I could not be alone for a single minute because that’s when this overwhelming sadness would move me to tears. I remember darting between empty rooms filling supplies, wiping at the tears praying no one saw them. Work is work and life is life. I didn’t want to mix my personal emotions with my professional example. At work I could shut off my emotions, but I did that so well when I went home I couldn’t effectively grieve. Admitting all of this is my first step towards healing.

Grieving is a necessity of our human condition. There are many synonyms in relation to grief, but the only one that matters to me is mourning.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 & 3:4 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven. (4) A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

The Bible clearly states that there is a time for us to mourn. That there is season for it, but as I believe I’ve written before, we cannot get stuck in any single season, lest we miss out on the rest of them. I am no theologian, pastor or evangelist, but what I have learned from the Bible itself is death was never meant for us. Then Genesis 3:6 took place, And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat. This single action changed everything for us, bringing death to physical life.

Back to there being a season for grief or mourning. Whatever you wish to address it as.

I have learned many things in my 21 years as a believer, but one of the main lessons I’ve learned is God has a time for everything. God’s timing is perfect and we should never try to rush it. Especially in our season of grieving. There were nights I came home from work and tried to cry. I wanted to mourn and move on, assuming it was that easy. No big surprise at how very wrong I was. It seemed every time I tried to turn my emotions back on I was emptier of them than ever before. Yet, on a day like yesterday when I wasn’t expecting it at all, I began crying as I stocked one of the rooms on my unit. The more I tried to stop the tears, the more fiercely they ran down my cheeks. Desperate to make them stop, I took out my phone and texted a sister in Christ. It turns out she was struggling just as I was, but I was so swept up in my own grief I didn’t stop to think about hers.

The most dangerous part of any season as I stated earlier is getting stuck in it. I believe in God and His timing which leads me to believe God is going to bring me to the end of my grieving when HE knows the season is up. Just as dangerous as staying in any season too long is the choice of skipping a season altogether. There are some seasons that scare us and others that make this life worth celebrating. We must experience every season as they are brought into our lives. Controlling ourselves to the point we deny ourselves the very experiences God presents to us only causes us more struggles.

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven:

I believe God has me at the end of this article now and I don’t want to go beyond what He wants written. However, I need to share  a few things with you about dealing with others that are grieving.

Here are a few things NOT to say,

I know what you’re going through.

I’ve been there.

He or She is in heaven with God.

These are things the grieving person already knows because they are all statements of fact. The person you are saying these things to may very well have comforted you during your season of grief so they know you have ‘been there’. If you are comforting the person, it is obvious they know you know why they’re grieving at all. Lastly, any believer is aware that their brother or sister in Christ has now gone on to be with God, but it doesn’t change the way they are feeling.

This is a text message between myself and my sister in Christ that is going through the grieving season as I am.

**AND WHEN PEOPLE TRY TO OFFER COMFORT THEY CONSTANTLY SAY THAT PART ABOUT THE PERSON GOING TO HEAVEN, ALMOST AS IF THEY THINK YOU SHOULD IGNORE THE PART ABOUT YOUR OWN HEART BEING BROKEN**

To which I responded,

 **YES AND THE TRUTH IS GOD HAS MY HEAR, BUT NOT MUCH HE CAN DO UNTIL I RELEASE THE BROKEN PART TO HIM. GOD DOESN’T COME IN UNINVITED. IF HE HEALED US WHILE WE’RE NUMB IT WOULDN’T BE TRUE HEALING. TO BE HONEST I DON’T KNOW WHEN I’LL BE READY TO GIVE HIM THE BROKEN PART. I KNOW PEOPLE MEAN WELL, BUT HEALING TAKES TIME AND LOTS OF ACTION ON OUR PART.**

Actions that start with honesty, acceptance and the choice to allow God to lead you through your season. Whatever season it might be.

Remember that each of us experiences grief uniquely, the way God intended and there are no rules about when, how or where you should grieve. Let God lead you and by hanging onto Him, no matter how you feel, the fact is God will bring you through it. The Bible tells us that God is our deliverer. That’s all the truth I need to understand this season will end, but even when it does, I won’t forget Walt. I won’t stop talking about Walt. I do believe I will look even more forward to heaven to that time when I see him again. Because the truth is I have a hug waiting for me that I never got before Walt left to be with God.

I’m sorry that life doesn’t turn out the way we want it to. I’m sorry that we all lose people we love along the way. I’m sorry you have to go through grief, sadness, hurt and brokenness. I’m sorry. Just so sorry for your loss, whatever it may be. I encourage you that you are NOT alone. Though our circumstances are unique, God teaches us through them how to comfort one another. Talk to someone about your seasons because the more alone we believe ourselves to be, the more difficult the journey becomes.

Belinda
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Grief. My Unique Experience.