How often do you find these words coming out of your mouth “I feel guilty….”?
I hear it from moms “I feel guilty for not spending enough time with my kids”
From people with elderly parents “I feel guilty for not going to see my parents more often.”
Married people feel guilty, “I feel guilty for losing my temper.”
Church people feel guilty, “I feel guilty that I am not more involved.”
Feeling guilty means your heart is not experiencing peace. Always remember that God has made His peace available to us.
Can you distinguish between false guilt versus real guilt from conviction?
The enemy is the accuser of the brethren (Revelation 12:10). Satan is working to make our thoughts accuse us – it gives him great delight to see us fall into the trap of feeling guilty for everything. On the other hand with Christ there is no condemnation (Romans 8:1), because if we confess our sins He forgives us (1 John 1:9) and doesn’t remember our sin anymore (Hebrews 8:12).
When we have sinned and we go to Christ asking forgiveness our guilt is erased and our sin no longer has hold over us. However, guilt can produce compulsiveness because it torments us. (Beyond Head Knowledge)
The tormenting voice of guilt stems in part from our childhood. A good article from Focus on the Family points out that “hypercritical upbringings create a hyperactive conscience.” Perhaps growing up you never felt good enough, your best efforts didn’t measure up and you felt like you always had to apologize for everything. It could be that you feel guilty for not trying harder. Or maybe you struggle with feeling bad that you haven’t done better even though you have tried.
For me as a mom this has been a scenario that has played out many times. I work from home, and have three children in the house. There are days when the kids want me to play a game but I just can’t because I have work to do. At times, I feel the accusing voice saying, “You aren’t a good mom, you need to spend more one of one time with the kids.” If I entertain this thought and allow it to have precedence in my thoughts I end up miserable. I feel guilty for not getting my work done and guilty for not playing with the kids.
Feelings of guilt enter most of our minds from time to time. We need to learn how to deal with these feelings/thoughts.
Ask yourself “is this accusation accurate?”
For example, I have to ask myself, if it is true that I am not spending enough time with my kids. Then I should take a step back and reflect on the day or days. I search for truth, asking the Lord to show me. In this case I realize that just this morning I spent time with them at breakfast, took them on an outing to the library and helped them with their schoolwork. With these facts in mind I can renounce the accusation. It isn’t true that I don’t spend time with my kids. However, it is true that I have boundaries. The boundary is this: I will spend what time I can with them but I also need to work several hours a day.
When we have the truth sometimes we need to talk directly to the guilty feelings. I could say something like “There is no condemnation in Christ. I am a good mom. My children had my attention earlier today and now I need to be diligent in my work.”
There was a time when boundaries like this were very hard for me. (They are still a work in progress) Lack of childhood affirmation definitely played a role in my feelings, as I never felt good enough. These feelings were deeply engrained for years so it took time to overcome.
Life Coach Moment
- When do you find yourself feeling guilty?
- Do you find yourself feeling guilty often?
- What was your childhood like? Did you feel accepted and affirmed for who you are?
- What accusations is the enemy speaking to you?
- Objectively look at each accusation. Prayerfully reflect on whether it is true. Jot down some events related to the guilty feeling to bring light to the situation.
Renew Your Mind in Truth
Meditate on these words for a few moments
2 Corinthians 7:10 Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.
Godly sorrow is conviction by the Holy Spirit. What assurance to know that when we repent we are cleansed from our sin. We should not continue to feel guilty. Guilt and accusation from the enemy causes us to feel guilty all the time.
Prayer
Father, Help me to distinguish between the conviction of Your Spirit and the accusation of the enemy. Thank You that I do not have to feel guilty because in You there is no condemnation. Amen.
- Mask Waiver - April 2, 2020
- Volunteer Application - March 24, 2020
- Lord Are You Willing? - October 3, 2019
There’s a lot of wisdom here! I grew up Catholic and am no stranger to guilt. But I’ve always said reminding us of confessed sin is a tactic Satan uses to keep us bound up in fear and shame, unable to do what God calls us to do! Blessings!