I want to be a good sister. I want to be a good friend. I want to be a good employee. I want to serve God. I want to give God my all. I want to be used where I am. I want to lose weight. I want to strengthen my memory. I want to give more faithfully to God, to His people, to His missionaries. I want to get a college degree. I want to get married. I want to have kids.

I have a lot going on inside and I just can’t get a hold on it. Any of it. I try to believe I’m not alone, but there are too many days I’m the only one drowning in trying to do it all. I can’t seem to make enough time to see my siblings and spend quality time with them. My friends and I have such full lives and heavy responsibilities it seems impossible to catch up. Even for a cup of tea. Everything else is a daily exercise of trusting God to help me in all of it. It still doesn’t make me feel like I’m doing enough. I pray, I read, study and serve God as the Holy Spirit leads me. My walk with God is built on trusting Him for everything, but that doesn’t make me feel any better some days. I take the steps to move forward in all the desires I listed.

Let me be clear, I’m not sitting on my rear end hoping all those desires come to pass by God waving His hand and giving them to me. I live an active life of serving and seeking God as well as the paths to attain those listed desires. What I want. What I really want, is to stop being all over the place. To prioritize my life according to God’s will and leading. I want to quiet all the noise and voices (people) in my life that continue to guilt me for not doing better. I’m writing this because God moved me to. Someone else out there feels all over the place. Unable to grasp the reality of what is actually happening while living life. I am overwhelmingly blessed with an amazing mother, two brothers, a boyfriend and so many friends. I have an amazing job that I love. A roof over my head, food and hot water. I take none of it for granted, but I want to enjoy it all more. I want to give equal time to all the people in my life. So I am taking a breath now, knowing God is going to sort it all out and I will stop being all over the place.

Each day I’m writing down goals I want to meet in that very day. So far it has kept me from seeing myself as failing. It has made realize even the smallest accomplishments are still accomplishments. Jeremiah 29:11 is my verse when I feel like I have no idea what’s going on. An expected end is all I need to keep me moving forward and trusting in God to lead me where I’m supposed to be. I am truly blessed. If you are feeling all over the place, start writing goals down and start small before getting to where you want to be.

Belinda
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All Over the Place
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