I am having a hard time right now loving my grandmother. I will not delve into all the evil she speaks, all the wrongs she does or how her very breathing makes me want to scream and punch the wall. I’m really not an angry person, but I am known for bottling things up inside and here I am at my limit again. On my drive home the other night, all I could think about was how much I didn’t want to see my grandmother when I came home. Right now I am the one watching out for her and making sure she is taken care of. I live with her to keep a close eye on her because she is a stubborn woman. That’s one of the few things I can understand about her. The rest I don’t even want to know. In fact, most days I don’t want to know her at all. Anyway, I was thinking all of this as I drove home and the Holy Spirit convicted me gently with this very verse. 1 Peter 4:8 NIV Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.

My first thought was defeat. I don’t want to know her, never mind love her. I know all these thoughts, feelings are not godly. I know she has truly done nothing to incur my wrath, except breathe. It is not her fault I feel this way. It is mine. To be honest if you asked me what bothers me most, I couldn’t tell you. If you asked me why she bothers me at all, I couldn’t tell you. I have been begging, pleading and struggling the last month or so, because I want to love her. I really do. I want to break whatever ugly hold is on me and keeping me from loving her. Every time I come close to actually being nice to her, she does some little thing or other that opens up my full wrath. I just can’t figure it out. If you are reading this article, please pray for me. I NEED it. Lots of it. I know God wants me to love her. He loves her. I really do want to love her and I cannot understand this struggle. I read C.S. Lewis’ Screwtape Letters with my brother a few weeks ago and the chapter spoke of the patient and his tumultuous relationship with his mother. Silly little things about her bothered him and vice versa. I identified with the direct point immediately, but still I struggle with simply being nice to my grandmother. She is not a believer, (pray for her salvation) but I don’t hold that against her. I have lots of unbelieving people in my life and I love them as if they are my blood. I don’t know truly what to do about this struggle except read my Bible, pray and continue to surrender myself to God.

I am writing this article because I know someone else out there is struggling or has struggled with the same situation. I am open to any suggestions or prayers. The one prayer I am clinging to is Bless her, change me. I know I am the problem and I need to change, but again it is such a difficult road for me. Love covers a multitude of sins so I must love my grandmother. I know God is faithful and He will change me.

Belinda
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Love Covers A Multitude of Sins
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